Only the Red Shirts
Composer: Bill Joel
Original Title: Only the Good Die Young
Lyrics: Gary Hanak

C'mon Security, don't make me wait
The Klingons are here and are storming the gate
But sooner or later we all meet our fate
You may as well be the one

They showed you the wardrobe and asked for your size
The pants they made sure would stick tight to your thighs
But the shirt they gave you says that you'll vaporize--
How come Phasers are never on stun?
Only the red shirts die young.

You may have seen crewmen decked out in gold or in blue
And Scott wears a shirt that's exactly your hue
But he's engineering and that isn't you
Here's to scenes that you might have done

So, c’mon, Security, ask for just one more line
The second one will be your big chance to shine
Though odds are because of a phaser outline
For a moment, you’ll outshine the sun…
Only the red shirts die young

You got a bright red shirt that means you're due for conflagration
You've got a one-line role
That just reads "Oh, no..."
When you took the part they didn't give you quite enough information
Like, when the villain shows
You'll be the first to go

You thought you might get to scene two or scene three
But that bright crimson shirt says it's just not to be
If you get past the intro, count yourself as lucky
But frankly, things can't get much worse
'Cause Red Shirts will always die first


If you're put on Away Team then you're prob'ly due for termination
'Cause when you're shirt is red
Bones will soon be saying "Jim, he's dead."

The series is famous but your time there is brief
Now, on Galaxy Quest things aren't cast in concrete
Hey, a red shirt came back as plucky comic relief
Maybe this time you won't be the one
(spoken)... "Halt or I'll--" ((bang!)) ...
Nope--red shirts, they always die young